Dreaming
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: You're still with me in my dreams.


Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters. I'm just playing.

**Dreaming**

It had been one hundred days since her had left D.C. One hundred days since he had abandoned his home, his friends, his team, and her memory. The bomb putting him in the hospital was just the tipping point. He had been sliding slowly down a hill in his mind since her death. Her killer was dead. He had hoped he would be able to move past her at that point, but the bomb had just about killed him, and brought all the memories of Kelly and Shannon. Mike had helped him a little and was helping him now by letting him stay in Mexico with him. But the memories and the dreams haunted him at night.

As he slipped into sleep, he both feared and loved what he saw. He loved to dream of his three dead ladies, but feared to sleep and dream of them because he would have to wake to the reality that none of them were there to hold him and tell him everything would be ok, that they loved him.

_A hundred days have made me older_

_Since the last time I saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lies have made me colder_

_And I don't think that I can look at this the same._

_But the miles that separate_

_Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face._

In his dreams he saw his beautiful with, her long dark hair shining in the sun, and his daughter, her hair in pigtails, sitting in the grass playing with her toys. But this dream was different. Shannon began to fade a little, and he called out to her to come back. She blew him a kiss and waved. Kelly took her hand and they walked into the distance. The scenery changed and his house looked a different, adding the changes he'd made over the years. And she was there, sitting in his patio chair, lightly tanned and smiling. Her dark hair in a ponytail, and a small child appeared to be toddling about the yard. It was a girl with gently waving chocolate hair and electric blue eyes. She had her mothers face and his lopsided smile, and he knew that she was his child. His dream self scooped up the child, tossing her high in the air and catching her easily. She laughed, a slightly girlish version of her mothers. He felt something wet on his cheeks and as he set her gently on her feet, he realized they were tears, cried for a future that would never be, and they never had a chance to be. With that he woke to the cool ocean breeze chilling the tears to ice as they coursed down his cheeks, remnants of a pleasant but achingly painful dream.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby_

_And I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight it's only you and me._

The next night was much the same. He dreamed first of Shannon and Kelly, then of Kate and their beautiful but unnamed child. Each morning became harder and harder to face. His heart stayed in his dreams and he woke to an emptiness in his bed, his life, and his chest, that nothing could fill.

He could see the worried looks Mike would shoot him. He couldn't bring himself to care. He knew that his time was getting shorter. He needed to move beyond his heartache or give into the agony that dreaming brought. He wasn't sure what to choose, between life in a world without them, or to go against his nature and let go of life to slide into blissful oblivion with his dreams.

Days passed uneasily for him. He longed to enter the permanent realm of dreams more than anything. He wondered if Mike realized he was saying goodbye, but couldn't bring himself to say anything up front, to his mentor and friend. He had set his affairs in order long before going to Mexico, in fact not long after Kate's death. His will and a letter addressed to his former team, as well as one addressed to Mike, lay one his nightstand.

He didn't feel like he was giving up so much as letting go. It was time to let go of everything. When he crawled into bed that night, he waited impatiently for sleep to some. It was difficult to relax his mind and body, but he managed. When he drifted off, he hoped it would be for the last time.

Kelly and Shannon were the first images he saw. They stood before him in pretty matching dresses. They smiled at him with easy and serene smiles. Shannon kissed his cheek and Kelly hugged him. They gestures for him to join the dark haired woman.

Kate stood in her favorite green sweater and jeans. She looked just they way she had so many months ago, before she had been killed. Her eyes were bright with mischief. Tony had been in charge of the camera that day and had given him a copy of the picture he'd taken. It had always been his favorite. She looked so vibrant and alive.

He stood only a few feet from her. She smiled at him, her brightest smile ever, and he loved her all over again. She opened her arms and raised an eyebrow in anticipation. He embraced her, burying his face in her hair, breathing her scent. It was then he felt something in his chest release. He felt free and light as air.

"We'll be together forever, Katie." He whispered, unsure if the sound of his voice would shatter the dream.

"Always, Jethro." He took her hand and walked with her into his house.

Outside the world of dreams, Mike Franks read the letter addressed to him. He sighed sadly and covered his best friend with a sheet. He would escort his body back to the states so he could be buried next to his beloved Caitlin.


End file.
